The “Bizarro Award” goes to the team captain: Account Executive, Todd Schaefer. He is a standout talent and leader with whom Team gkv played to a 4-10 record. Without Todd (who inexplicably chose to vacation with his family and girlfriend to the Outer Banks of North Carolina during the last week of July, rather than play with the softball team he captains), Team gkv demolished Clear Channel on July 28, winning both games easily by the Mercy Rule.

The “Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick Award” goes to assistant captain and Media Buyer, Jason Knapp. A man of few words, yet Knapp came up with many, many big hits and outfield catches throughout the season.

The “Chuck Norris Award” goes to Digital Production Artist, Brian Cox, whose stifling defense, rocket arm and Herculean home runs would impress a certain bearded action movie star. That is if said movie star wasn’t walking with the bulls in Pamplona, watching “60 Minutes” in 20 minutes or pushing the Earth down with his push-ups.

The “Two Wild and Crazy Guys Award” goes to Account Executives, Jon Gregory and Haley Ulloa, Baltimore’s biggest bro-mance, and the team’s resident bachelor duo about town.

The “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia Award” goes to Interactive Producer, Jenn Pinti, and Receptionist, Cassandra Green. These are two teammates that never show any disposition other than cheery and optimistic.

The “Tell Us About Life When You Were Our Age Award” I’ve awarded to myself, (Proofreader John Acquavita) owner of nary an iPad, iTouch, iPhone, GPS or car from the twenty-first century, who struggles each week to keep up with the young whippersnappers on the team. Apparently, to those not born in the 1970s, “icing” does not mean applying ice to sore muscles after the game. I am a guy who watched “G.I. Joe”, “Transformers” and “The A-Team” when they were broadcast on television originally. Where’s MacGyver when you need him? Speaking of whom …

The “Bo Jackson Award” goes to former gkv employee, Johnny Vo, who had injured his collarbone playing football a mere four days before opening day of softball season. The injury took several weeks to heal, and the team struggled to make up the lost productivity from the team’s (and some may say the league’s) best player.

The “Duct Tape Award” goes to Suzy Vo (Johnny’s wife), whose clutch hitting and mastery of softball fundamentals enabled the team to play her at every infield position throughout the season, displaying perfect form and putting on a defensive clinic each week.

The “Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades Award” goes to former gkv employee, Andy Vollmerhausen, whose 80s-inspired sunglasses projected indifference to opponents, but masterfully hid from them his long-range hitting and rifle arm from the recesses of Carroll Park’s left field to the infield cut-off player.

The “Cy Young Award” goes to Kristina Russell (Andy’s girlfriend). You would think in slow-pitch softball, you’d give up a lot of hits and runs as a pitcher, but she would prove you wrong.

The “Mortgage Won’t Pay for Itself Award” goes to: Vice President, Account Supervisor, Andrew Robinson; Public Relations Senior Account Executive, Amber Bradford; and Senior Vice President, Group Account Director, David “Boomer” Blum. All of these gkvers were prevented from contributing their respective softball skills due to commitments keeping gkv running smoothly. Those players’ skills were sorely missed this season.

The “Courage Award” goes to Public Relations Account Executive, Katey Clark, who didn’t wear her team- issued jersey, but instead opted for a Pittsburgh Steelers t-shirt for the July 28 games against Clear Channel. In Baltimore. When asked for a comment, oft-troubled Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger could only shake his swollen, oversized head.

The “Anna Chapman Spy Award” goes to Assistant Account Executive, Brittany Rallo, who always seemed to know several players on the opposing squad, regardless of whom we were playing that week.

The “I’m Just Here to Work Hard, Do What the Coaches Tell Me, & It Is What It Is Rookie Award” goes to gkv Intern, Derrick Cheung, who never got down, always tried hard, and was grateful for every minute on the field or on the bench, constantly cheering on Team gkv.

The “I’m Really REACHing for an Award to Give Here Award” goes to Senior Account Manager, Ashley Bertrand and Account Executive, Joey Helsel, who had several commitments to their positions at gkv REACH that kept them from participating in more than a handful of games this season.

The “I Really Hope You Found That Greener Grass Award” goes to former gkv employees Joey O’Connell and Erica Malick, who have left the friendly confines of gkv prior to the season and whose skills were certainly missed in spots this year.

That’s it for the 2010 season! See you on the fields next year.